Total Drama Band Geeks
by DoktorK
Summary: My favorite SS episode TDI style.  After Chris is challenged by Dr. K to play at the Author Super Bowl, he has to turn the Total Drama cast into a marching band.  What could go wrong?  Contains author references.  R&R.


As a tribute to my favorite TV show and my favorite episode from one of my favorite shows, I present you with…

**Total Drama Band Geeks**

_No people were harmed in the making of this fanfiction,… okay maybe a few. The characters in this fanfiction are either trained professionals, incredibly stupid, or something else. Do NOT attempt this stuff at home. Seriously, you could get really messed up if you did._

Off in Ontario, Canada resided the mansion of the sadistic television host, Chris McClean. To Chris this was just another boring day. So what does Chris do on days he's bored? Find something to become professional in. Well what can he do that will make him more famous and be easy at once? The flute.

In a private music room in McClean Manor, Chris was playing a flute he bought. Unfortunately, he was not very good. Scratch that, he was horrible. It sounded like someone was dieing. His music practice was interrupted when his doorbell rang. Chris ran to his door to see who it was. Probably just paparazzi. Though when Chris got to the door he saw it was a pair of doctors and an ambulance. "Hi we're from the hospital down the street. We understand that there is a dieing person on the premises."

_Slam! _

One thing Chris can't stand is negative criticism. Chris heard a ringing from his cell phone. Chris decided to answer it. "Hello, you've reached the number of unrecognized talent," Chris said sarcastically, "please leave a message after the…" Chris lifted his flute and played an off-pitched note.

"Sounds like you've got a dieing person with you Chrissy." said the voice on the other end. Chris' eyes went wide. Only one person who would dare call him Chrissy.

"DoktorK?"

On the other end of the phone line was a twisted being that had black hair that was gelled back, a black lab coat and pants, a robotic left arm and eye, and had an essence of evil surrounding him. His name was DoktorK, or Dr. K. "How it going Chrissy?" Dr. K said smugly.

"Oh, uh, hey Dr. K, how's your arm and eye?" Chris asked nervously. This guy made him look like the king of nice.

"Robotic and all-powerful, like always."

"Whats new with you?"

"Oh, you know, plotting world domination, making fanfictions, taking my band to The Author Super Bowl, watching cartoons…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up, what did you say?"

"Watching cartoons?"

"Before that."

"Plotting world domination?"

"After that."

"Making fanfictions?"

"AFTER THAT!"

"Oh, the Author Super Bowl."

"The Auth… the Auth…" Chris said in shock.

"That's right Chrissy, I'm living your dream. Unfortunately, my band took vacation for this month and can't play."

"Oh, that's too bad." Chris said sarcastically.

"…so I thought about letting you and your band play in our place."

"Oh, well we would, but…you see…uh…" Chris knew where this was going.

"I knew it. You don't have a band you old cheapskate. I'll just take my business someplace else." Almost there.

"Now hold on!" Chris yelled in anger. "It just so happens that I do have a band and we will play at the Author Super Bowl and my band will kick your band's butt."

"See you Saturday, Chrissy."

No sooner had Chris hung up that he realized how much trouble he would be in when he showed up without a band. He couldn't let Dr. K have another victory over him. "I got get a band together and fast, but how?" Then he remembered one of his greatest successes in life. "Total Drama is gonna go marching."

…

We see Gwen looking at her email and sees an notice which she read aloud, "Dear whomever, do you have talent that you wish to show…"

"…and be celebrated for your skills in music…" Alejandro said, reading the same email.

"…and to be adored by millions of people you don't know…, heh like I'm not already." Blainley read.

"…and receive free refreshments…" read Owen happily.

"…Then come to practice at the following address at 6:30 sharp." read DJ.

…

We see a digital watch go from 6:30 to 6:31. Said watch was built into the car Chris was driving, which was hauling a trailer full of musical instruments for the Total Drama cast. "Stupid clerk made me late. She wouldn't be able to tell the difference between an oboe and an elbow."

Chris was late for his own meeting. The location was a warehouse he owned that no one cared about. All 24 contestants, Chef Hatchet, Blainley, Sasquatchanaqua, the Bear, and a group of interns had already arrived. They were able to figure out that Chris had to be behind this, but they might as well see what he had to say. Just then, Chris burst through the doors. "Alright everyone let's begin."

"Begin what exactly?" asked an impatient Heather.

"Your training to begin a my marching band, duh."

"You mean that was true?" questioned LeShawna.

"Of course, I tell the truth, sometimes. Alright, now who has any experience playing an instrument." Everyone raised a hand. "And I mean play well." Many hands went down. "Anyone know a history of instruments."

"Do instruments of torture count?" asked Chef

"No."

"Is peanut butter an instrument?" asked Owen

"No." Owen raised his hand again. "Chocolate is not an instrument either." Owen put his hand down. "Okay, so only a few of you know anything about music. Luckily I have enough talent to share with guys, ha ha." No one was motivated.

"When do we get the free food?" Owen asked.

"Alright, alright, let's try a simple scale." Everyone took an instrument that Chris had brought them. Chris took his flute and played a scale, rather badly. "Okay, winds." Everyone with a wind instrument played an equally bad scale. "Now the brass." Same with brass players. "And the drums." Owen, Izzy, and Ezekiel took their drum sticks and started to blow into them thinking that is how you play a drum scale. Eventually the back up of air shot their sticks straight at Chris. The impact caused Chris' sleeves and one pant leg to be pinned to the wall. "Too bad that didn't kill me." Chris said sarcastically.

…

"Alright everyone, get into even lines of 6." Chris said.

"Ooh, is this where we start kicking?" asked Sierra.

"No Sierra, that's a chorus line." Noah stated.

"Aw, I want to do some kicking, eh." Ezekiel said as he stood up and did a kicking motion. Unfortunately, he kicked the person next to him, Eva.

"Why you…" Eva then assaulted Ezekiel and pulverized him across the room and out the door. Ezekiel screamed in incredible pain. Everyone looked in shock at the door believing Ezekiel to have been killed. Just then he stuck his head through the door.

"Owner of the yellow Ford, you left your lights on." As Ezekiel walked in, we see Eva had shoved him through a trombone so his head stuck out through bell and his legs stuck out the mouth piece. As he sat back in his seat the slide bounced up and slid back down, a note played out his mouth, much to everyone's confusion.

…Day 2…

As the second day began, everyone was giving marching practice while they played instruments, still badly. "Alright everyone we're doing good. Yo, interns twirl those flags faster." Chris said. Two interns began twirl flags they held faster. "And turn. Seriously, interns really twirl those flags, like there's no tomorrow." Everyone turned around a corner. The two interns with flags kept spinning the flags faster and faster until the actually defied the laws of physics and flew off the ground. The two flew up and crashed into an airplane turbine. Everyone looked on in horror. Harold then took a trumpet he was holding and played funeral music on it. Everyone bowed their heads in mourning the interns' death. All except Chris who curled up on the ground in a fetal position. This is never going to work.

…Day 3…

Everyone was allowed to practice on their own or with one another. Chris was currently talking with Alejandro. "Hey, Al. How's that gong-master-9000 solo coming along."

"Alright, first don't call me 'Al' and second, it's great. I'll give you a demonstration." Alejandro ran over to a massive instrument that was made up of gongs that stretched across the entire warehouse. He picked up a sledge hammer, with some difficulty, and banged it against the largest gong. Then he ran across the room and hit the smallest gong. Then he ran back to the previous side of the room and banged the largest, second largest, and third largest gongs in order. Finally, Alejandro ran to the smallest gong, but due to the energy he was using. Finally he reached it and, since he couldn't hit it with max strength, merely tapped it before passing out.

…Day 4…

"Alright everyone, this is our last night of rehearsal, and I know you haven't improved much since we began." Chris said. Several eyes were cast to Owen, who was playing a clarinet with his nose. "But I have a theory. People talk loud when they want to sound smart, right?"

"Correct!" Sasquatchanaqua yelled out, surprising everyone that he could speak.

"Well, if we play loud, people might think we're good." Everyone agreed with Chris concept. "Everyone ready." All instruments were raised. "One, two, three…"

From outside the warehouse, one could see that all the windows shattered, the doors collapsed, the roof and walls cracked, and the building shook from the massive blast made by everyone. Inside, Chris took the fool blast. His hair, eyelids, and lips had been pushed back. His conductor's stick snapped in two after a moment of quiet.

"New theory, we play so quietly that no one can hear us." Chris said out of shock on how bad that was.

"Well maybe we'd do better if some 'people' didn't have claws instead of fingers." Duncan snapped. Bear turned and snarled at Duncan, knowing it's him he's talking about. "Yeah I said it, what are you going to do about it?" Bear prepared to rip Duncan limb from limb.

"Dudes, chill. Let's talk it out." Geoff said getting between the delinquent and grizzly.

"Oh, so now party boy is in charge." Heather said in annoyance. By now, everyone is arguing.

"Everyone, stay calm, come on, for me." Chris demanded. It didn't work. Everyone broke out into a brawl. Trent was holding Justin by the neck, but Beth Smashed a drum on his head. "Hey, those instruments are rentals."

Duncan and Bear took two saxophones and charged each other in a joist style. But both quickly went from anger to shock and tried to stop. Too late, Courtney banged symbols over both their heads. Tyler attempted to beat Eva with a xylophone, but she punched it hard enough for it to fall to pieces. As Tyler ran off, Ezekiel ran up and kicked Eva again. She then pursued him with a trumpet intent on repeating her actions from earlier that week. While this occurred, a clock moved from 8:59 to 9:00. Everyone stopped fighting when this happened. "Hey, class is over." Cody pointed out.

With that, everyone started to leave when Chris ran out in front of them, feeling something other than greed or sadism, depression. "Well I hope you're all happy. You all took my dream and crushed it into tiny, bite-sized pieces. I had expected better from you all. Don't bother showing up tomorrow, I'll just say you all died in a marching accident. So thanks, thanks for nothing." Chris than moped off into the darkness.

"Uh, you're welcome?" Lindsey said, unaware of how Chris was truly.

"What kind of monsters are we?" Everyone looked at Owen for a moment. "That poor man came to us in a time of need and we failed him. Chris has always been there for us. DJ, when Bunny went missing, who went around for a whole week nonstop searching for him?"

"My Momma." DJ said.

"And Cody, when the bear mauled you in season 1, who revived you?"

"The doctors at Playas des Losers." Cody said.

"Right so if we could pretend that Chris was DJ's Momma or some doctor, then we would know what it means to be a marching band." Owen said with emphasis to make a point. Despite the stupidity of his speech, everyone seemed moved by it.

"Yeah, for DJ's Momma." Chef said excitedly. After some stares, everyone broke into cheers.

"Alright, let's do this." Owen said as he grabbed the remains of Chris' conductor's stick. "One, two, a-scoodale-doodale-doo."

…

Chris sadly made his way to the stadium of the Author Super Bowl. Things were looking bad. "There just going to have to find a new band to play. I just hope that…" Chris looked up and saw his worst fear come to life, "…DR. K DOESN'T FIND OUT. DR. K AAAAAA!"

Indeed Dr. K was there, with an evil grin Chris could never match. "What are you doing here, I thought you couldn't come."

"No, I said my band couldn't come. I just wanted to see you blow it big time. So, where's your band?" Dr. K asked looking around.

"Oh, uh, they couldn't come, they died." Chris said flatly.

"Than who's that?" Dr. K asked pointing over Chris shoulder. Chris turned around, and, to his shock, was the entire Total Drama gang dressed in matching blue marching band uniforms.

"THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!" Chris yelled in shock. He told them not to come!

"Were ready to perform Chris." Owen said happily.

"Well," Dr. K said holding in his laughs, "this is exactly how I expected your band to look Chrissy."

Specifically, Dr. K was looking at Owen who was doing a goofy looking dance. Dr. K looked at Chris with a mix of humor and confusion. "That's his… eager face." Chris said flatly as he was handed a spare uniform to wear. Dr. K laughed as hard as a person can, gaining glares from the band.

"I guess I'll have to leave the country, change my name, and have surgery done." Chris said in defeat as he, the band and Dr. K got on a stage that was raised into a inter-universal football stadium.

"That's the spirit Chris." Owen said enthusiastically.

As the stage appeared in the stadium an announcer named JusSonic was heard "Alright, authors of all nations. Put your hands together for the Total Drama Super Band!"

Two authors named Nicktheultimaswordwielder and max3833 swung their shirts around in the air and an author named RandomNumbers523156 held up a sign that read 'I love TD'

"These are some weird looking people, eh." Ezekiel said.

"Maybe were near a toxic waste dump." Owen said.

"I think I'm gonna be sick." DJ said nervously.

"Alright, lets get this over with." Chris said, taking a side look at Dr. K who was giving him an amused look. "One, two, three, gulp f… four." Chris braced for an explosion of terrible sound. Instead, though, practically everyone played a majestic trumpet piece. Chris opened his eyes, that was amazing. What happened? Then Harold did a keyboard solo and several people moved aside to show Owen with a microphone as he sang like a pro.

_**The winner takes all  
Its the thrill of one more kill  
the last on to fall will never sacrifice their will  
**_

Ezekiel did a drum solo as everyone got rock instruments.

_**dont ever look back on the world closing in  
be on the attack with your wings on the wind  
Oh, the games will begin**_

Chris was speechless. This was the best thing ever. He looked over at Dr. K, who was also shocked, and once he saw Chris looking at him, Chris gave him his sadistic grin. Payback time. Chris threw his conductor's stick aside and got down with his bad-self.

_**And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah. **_

_**Its ours for the taking its ours for the fight. **_

_**And it's sweet, sweet, sweet victory, yeah**_

Dr. K couldn't believe it, Chris bested him at something. Suddenly, Dr. K grabbed his chest in pain. He was having a heart attack from how good the band was. A group of medics came and took Dr. K off to be treated. Chris waved goodbye to him and ran out to the edge of the stage where pyrotechnics went off.

_**And the one who's last to fall  
The winner takes all  
You don't win no silver  
You only lose the gold  
You push with a fever for your time keeps tolling on  
Against all the odds, against all your pain your backs on the wall with no one to blame  
Wild hearts won't be tamed  
And the one who's last to fall, the winner takes all  
And the one who's last to fall yeah  
And the one who's last to fall  
The winner takes all**_

Chris danced along to a drum solo Ezekiel had and jumped in the air. Life couldn't be better.

…

And so ends this chapter. Dr. K is myself, obviously, and the other authors mentioned in this tale are some of my favorites. This is a shout out to you guys. I hope you all enjoy it just as I did.


End file.
